In Memoriam
Morry Tolmach, MSW
Morry was a story teller.
He loved to illustrate a point, describe a situation, or communicate a passion by telling a story. "You know, I loved my mother..." he will say. And then he will tell you a story. Often, the point of the story is to illustrate some fresh insight that Morry has just arrived at. At 86, he continues to love to learn. He seriously studies opera and classical music, Shakespeare, and, now his two current psychoanalytic interests: Eigen and Bion.
Over the years I've heard hundreds of stories from Morry and I've learned something from each of them. Morry is also a very deep listener. He puts himself in the shoes of others so that he can imagine their experience. He's never satisfied with his own perceptions, and, at the same time, he trusts his own perceptions more than any one else. He says he needs to have a feel for something to understand it. He is never satisfied just using his head, he has to feel the experience in his body.
Morry loved the writings of Harry Stack Sullivan. He used to wonder why I loved Bion. After I read Sullivan with him, I saw why he admired him. Twenty years later, Morry now sees why I treasure Bion. We both love Winnicott's work. But it was Meltzer's work that brought us together. Back in the early 1990s Morry and I wrote a paper together called "No Ideas But in Things: The Outer Reaches of Inner Space". We presented it at The Alliance Forum. In it we explored the concreteness of psychic reality in its developmental, pathological and creative dimensions. In order to write that paper we would meet for an hour or two each week to discuss the ideas of Klein and Meltzer. Twenty years later the conversation is still unfolding. We recently returned to Meltzer...
One lesson I will always be grateful for is how much Morry advocates honestly wrestling with your problems. You have to be able see and face a problem before you can solve it. When my wife and I were trying to buy a house in the late 1990s we lost a couple desirable properties in bidding wars. One afternoon I expressed my discouragement to Morry saying we were thinking of giving up and just staying in our apartment. Morry thought about it for awhile and said "I can see you are discouraged. Here's what I think. You need to stay in the game. Yes, it's a struggle. So be it. It's not such a bad thing to struggle. I think you need to keep at it and struggle for this". And we did. I don't think I would have kept at it without Morry's guidance. When things get tough now I hear Morry's encouraging voice saying "It's okay to struggle Jeff, keep at it".
I love Morry's passion for living. On some days, Morry will say he loves a good fight. He says he's stubborn (he is) and while he's interested in different points of view, if he doesn't believe it, he won't go along with something just to be polite. I think that's called sincerity or integrity.
Morry also has a keen sense of group dynamics and how to work to support the task of the group. He was a great role model in this area.
He has a great sense of humor.
The first paper I heard him give was on the theme of play in adult psychotherapy. I'm coming back to this theme now, through the work of Antonino Ferro.
No life is without struggle. I know Morry has struggled, like we all do, (I've heard some of the stories). In fact, the way Morry tells it, life is full of struggle for "a schmuck from Boyle Heights". Despite those tough times, or perhaps because he came through them too, he truly has a vibrant zest for life that he freely shares with many people.
Play, passion, learning, music, story telling, the importance of creativity and trusting your own perceptions, these are some of the qualities that I'm grateful Morry has shared with me and encouraged me to find out about for myself.
Morry Tolmach, MSW
Morry was a story teller.
He loved to illustrate a point, describe a situation, or communicate a passion by telling a story. "You know, I loved my mother..." he will say. And then he will tell you a story. Often, the point of the story is to illustrate some fresh insight that Morry has just arrived at. At 86, he continues to love to learn. He seriously studies opera and classical music, Shakespeare, and, now his two current psychoanalytic interests: Eigen and Bion.
Over the years I've heard hundreds of stories from Morry and I've learned something from each of them. Morry is also a very deep listener. He puts himself in the shoes of others so that he can imagine their experience. He's never satisfied with his own perceptions, and, at the same time, he trusts his own perceptions more than any one else. He says he needs to have a feel for something to understand it. He is never satisfied just using his head, he has to feel the experience in his body.
Morry loved the writings of Harry Stack Sullivan. He used to wonder why I loved Bion. After I read Sullivan with him, I saw why he admired him. Twenty years later, Morry now sees why I treasure Bion. We both love Winnicott's work. But it was Meltzer's work that brought us together. Back in the early 1990s Morry and I wrote a paper together called "No Ideas But in Things: The Outer Reaches of Inner Space". We presented it at The Alliance Forum. In it we explored the concreteness of psychic reality in its developmental, pathological and creative dimensions. In order to write that paper we would meet for an hour or two each week to discuss the ideas of Klein and Meltzer. Twenty years later the conversation is still unfolding. We recently returned to Meltzer...
One lesson I will always be grateful for is how much Morry advocates honestly wrestling with your problems. You have to be able see and face a problem before you can solve it. When my wife and I were trying to buy a house in the late 1990s we lost a couple desirable properties in bidding wars. One afternoon I expressed my discouragement to Morry saying we were thinking of giving up and just staying in our apartment. Morry thought about it for awhile and said "I can see you are discouraged. Here's what I think. You need to stay in the game. Yes, it's a struggle. So be it. It's not such a bad thing to struggle. I think you need to keep at it and struggle for this". And we did. I don't think I would have kept at it without Morry's guidance. When things get tough now I hear Morry's encouraging voice saying "It's okay to struggle Jeff, keep at it".
I love Morry's passion for living. On some days, Morry will say he loves a good fight. He says he's stubborn (he is) and while he's interested in different points of view, if he doesn't believe it, he won't go along with something just to be polite. I think that's called sincerity or integrity.
Morry also has a keen sense of group dynamics and how to work to support the task of the group. He was a great role model in this area.
He has a great sense of humor.
The first paper I heard him give was on the theme of play in adult psychotherapy. I'm coming back to this theme now, through the work of Antonino Ferro.
No life is without struggle. I know Morry has struggled, like we all do, (I've heard some of the stories). In fact, the way Morry tells it, life is full of struggle for "a schmuck from Boyle Heights". Despite those tough times, or perhaps because he came through them too, he truly has a vibrant zest for life that he freely shares with many people.
Play, passion, learning, music, story telling, the importance of creativity and trusting your own perceptions, these are some of the qualities that I'm grateful Morry has shared with me and encouraged me to find out about for myself.